You think by age 33, married with two kids and 10 years working in a 'career', that I would be able to finish this sentence by now. But, nup I still have no idea what I want to 'do' with my life.
I don't mean that I haven't done anything yet, of course, I've achieved a lot. What I mean is, I don't think I've found my passion - the one thing that drives me away from family. [Edit: I just re-read this, I don't mean I want to be driven away from my family; rather I want something the drives my life in addition to my family... derrr me].
I feel bad writing that, as I have a job (when I do work) that a lot of people would love. Writing that makes me think of The Devil Wears Prada where Andrea is constantly reminded: "a million girls would die for your job". Sure writing and sub-editing for magazines is definitely not the worst job in the world and I do enjoy it, but it's never really fulfilled me or driven me to greatness. In all honesty, I just kind of fell into it.
I started thinking about all this again this morning while I was hanging out the washing. I was then reminded of it when I took the girls to swimming lessons and saw a lady wearing a jumpsuit. I don't normally get excited by women in jumpsuits, but this one had "Forensic Services" emblazoned across the back, plus she was carrying a cool looking suitcase, she strode like she was on CSI. Maybe that could have been me if I actually applied for that Forensic Science course, attended Uni for four years and passed it. Gosh, I'm now wondering why my local pool needed the services of a forensics expert...
I'm really envious of those people who have a passion, something they love throwing themselves into. Something that gets them jumping out of bed in the mornings. I also fill with anguish when I see people throw their dreams away to do something 'safe' or 'better' or 'cause "x" thinks I should'. I think to have a passion is one of life's greatest gifts.
I want to find something or combine my interests to create some sparks. I'm not just sure how yet. I love writing this blog, but I'm not sure how I make a living out of it? I love good food and wine (but am not a great cook). I like trivia (but I'm not sure you can make a career out of trivia nights). Hmmm I'm reminding myself of that Seinfeld episode where George is trying to find a job:
George: I like sports. I could do something in sports. Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity? George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something. Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get. George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game. Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments. George: What about that? Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting. George: Well, that's really not fair.
Yes, I know, I have a lot of pop culture filling my brain (maybe why I've done so well working in magazines...). Anyhoo, I'll keep thinking. Maybe I'm just too spoilt for choice. Maybe I'm just a very indecisive person. Something to work on I guess. It is after all one of my resolutions - to find a dream and chase it.
Do you have a secret passion, something you'd love to do but would never in a million years? Do you have something that you're so excited about that you bounce out of bed every morning ready to tackle it? Have you always known exactly what you have wanted to do?
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Great post! We talk about passion a lot in my house - one of those things we're passionate about is talking about passion! You know what they say, if you can do something you love you never have to go to work again. I'm still searching too. Frankly, though I doubt I'd ever be totally satisfied. I get bored to easily. I think to have a real passion you can become totally asborbed in is a great gift and those who have it should really appreciate it! Keep up the thought provoking writing - I'm loving it.
ReplyDeleteAwwww thanks Caz, that really means a lot! I feel a bit self-indulgent sometimes. It's nice to know that all this appeals to someone!
ReplyDeleteI am bounding out of bed at the moment I have a very very exciting project underway and my passions are writing my blog, connecting with people, creating events! Yes, I am lucky I know my passions and I am living them. hasn't always been this way mind you, my 20's were a mess!
ReplyDelete2 questions - which mag do you work for? and...... isn't singing something you want to pursue?
I agree with Caz, I reckon as soon as I got fulfilled in one area I'd feel like I wanted to do something else. That's just my personality though I guess. I just try and roll with it now though and keep a lot of pots bubbling so I can go from one to the other depening on mood...
ReplyDeleteSharni - yes, the excitiment in your writing at the moment is palpable. Good times ahead for you methinks! Your answers:
ReplyDelete1) I freelance at the moment, so work on a range of mags. In years past I worked full-time on New Idea, Fresh (when it was around), Practical Parenting, Mother & Baby, The Open Road - to name just a few.
2) I do want to pursue singing, but only for personal reasons. I won't be getting up on stage and singing for my supper. Though I guess, I would like to combine some or all of my interests - music, writing, food, travel - and come up with something I could do to bring home the bacon.
I'm just starting to figure out the things that excite me...it's slowly coming together, I just need more me time to figure it out (too many kiddies!)
ReplyDeleteI play around on my blog for fun too, sometimes though it feels like a chore...
Same here. I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. But in the meantime I plan to have lotsa and lotsa fun with my kids. Because I know it won't be long till they don't wanna hang out with their old mama anymore.
ReplyDeleteI feel you on the whole you-think-by-now-I'd-know-what-I-want-to-be thing.
ReplyDeleteI love my job, but I wouldn't say I'm passionate about it. I wonder if I did have a job I was passionate about, would the day to day routine make it become mundane and dull the passion?
ReplyDeleteWise words Brenda!
ReplyDeleteI wonder that too Kelly. Though I have met people who love what they do so much, they can't believe they get paid to do it. That would be a nice feeling.
I am/was ( on maternity leave now)very good at my job and I am passionate about doing it as well as possible. I am also very passionate about my staff and their success and well-being BUT I am not and have never been passionate about my job. Actually, I have never been passionate about having a career. Ever. I am passionate about having a good life and having a fulfilling job is a part of that for me - but just a part amongst many other much more important parts.
ReplyDeleteIronically, having a family has always been a passion of mine and at 36(!!) - that is only starting to become a reality. It's funny how things turn out...
I was passionate about my previous job, more passionate than I had been about any other. I loved being able to find rare, unusual and completely mundane photographs and sharing that with people. I loved being surrounded by history and knowing it was the undiluted real thing, not Photoshopped.
ReplyDeleteSydney in all of it's crazy, beautiful and occasionally ugly glory. And I loved the search process, going through countless things and often hitting dead ends but eventually finding something so awesome, it would make my week. One day I hope to have another job that will provide me the same thrills. What can I say, I'm a research freak! Until then, I will have to discover another thing :).
Oh I hear you Corinne. Just added a link to this post in a post that I have written about the same thing...hope you don't mind! Let's try and work this thing out ok?
ReplyDeleteI bit the bullet and actually quit my high paying, high powered corporate career (after 10 years) to go back to uni this year and pursue my dream of becoming a teacher.
ReplyDeleteTime will tell if that was a wise decision!
Yes, yes yes! I always wanted to be an archaeologist and/or work in a museum. I love history, but I know full well I am never going to do this (one child and another on the way - can't really ever see myself on a dig in Syria).
ReplyDeleteYou honestly could have plucked these thoughts out of my head. I often think about this.
As an English teacher, I like my job, love teaching kids and think I'm pretty ok at it. However, I lack the necessary passion. I would still rather be doing something else ...could someone please invent me a job that involves lots of travel to exotic locations, being forced to eat in the worlds most interesting restaurants, lots of wine drinking, history, lots of daytime naps and absolutely no work required after 5:00pm.
Seriously, I know there is something I really want to do out there, I just don't know what it is - I have a feeling I should have worked this out before getting pregnant, but sometimes life has a tendency to force you in certain directions, you just have to see where you end up....
Wow, I'm flabbergasted by all the lovely comments and hearing about people's passion (or lack of). I really expected something along the lines of "quit your whining!"
ReplyDeleteMegs- It's funny I could have written the same post a few years ago. I was never interested in having a career. But now that I've been blessed with a wonderful family and a good home life, there's a little nagging voice wanting me to do something for just me. I think I have a need to balance everything else. Plus I want to be a role model to my girls too.
Beth- I loved your post and was happy to be a part of it. Yes, let's definitely work this out!
Sarah C - I hope you can find another job to be passionate about soon.
Aneets - I hope you find your dream! It's sounds scary and wonderful all in one!
Sarah - If you find a job that fits that description, I'm in!
I know the feeling - and now feel utterly spoiled that I think I've found it. For me, going completely freelance and being able to write about things I'm truly interested and passionate in is my dream. I feel too lucky that my work's now flexible enough to fit in other things I enjoy. However, I did have to do the hard yards with the hellish newcastle to sydney commute for eight long years!
ReplyDeleteYou'll find your passion!
Ah I know what you mean! I used to think I had found my passion (I taught preschool before my kids were born and loved it).. but now there seems to be other things that might be great to do too. How do you choose just one? Or do you even have to??
ReplyDeleteSo glad I found your blog, really enjoying a good read.
I am with Sharni, I have a very clear passion. It was a long road to get here, I follow my intuition 100% so, over the years, I weeded away what didn't fit me. Mine isn't a passion, it's more of a calling. I feel called to do what I am doing. I think this takes a lot of abandonment of ego. It requires letting go and letting life lead you..in essence, when you are passionate about the moments of your life, you will realize that you are living your passion..you are already there!
ReplyDeleteooohh, what a dilemma for many people, well written!
ReplyDeletei always wonder that about finding "the" career, will it then become mundane aswell.
i'm still searching aswell, in my heart i know what i'd love but in my pocket it just doesn't add up. so, I will keep dreaming for now.
goodluck with your dreams ♥