'Tis the season to be boring

For the past four years as November creeps on into December, I have heard people gabbing about how many parties, gatherings, drinks, knees ups they have on. How they are going to be completely pickled by the new year. How if they see one more glass of champagne they're going to puke. The embarrassing things so-and-so said the night before. How their feet are killing them from walking round town trying to find a cab home.

Now, me, as a stay-at-home mum have exactly zero Christmas parties to go. That's right, as a stay-at-home mum my employer doesn't throw me a festive bash to thank me for a year of hard work. In fact, I don't think I even got one Friday night afterwork drinks this year either. I must to speak to the union about this. Surely we could fit it into our workplace agreement.

I guess the fact that the people in my workplace often vomit and wee on me and then speak incoherently as I help them up off the ground makes my life like a year-round Christmas party. Without the open bar and crappy canapes.

My social calendar is so empty that I've decided it's a perfect time to start a diet. Seeing as everyone else is so busy, I won't have anyone trying to tempt me off my healthy eating plan. So no crap and no alcohol until Christmas Eve. It will make that glass of Veuve taste all the better when Santa delivers it. I'll also have time to catch up on my reading and missed episodes of Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. I know, I rock hard.

So as your out there in your maxi-dresses cheers-ing the season, think of me. At home. On the couch.