The smiling assassin

Goosey has life on a string.

Life is fairly interesting at the moment, you never know quite what is going to happen next. The reason I'm being kept on my toes is a little person called Goosey. Who's 2.5 years. I'm certain all those who've had 2.5 year-olds are nodding their heads at this moment saying "Ah, yes."

Living with a 2.5 year-old is like living with a ticking time bomb. You know it's going to go off, you're just not really sure when or the kind of devastation it's going to cause. Normally I walk around the house, all senses alert ready to jump at any sign of danger. This week, I've had a crook back so I'm not as agile as I could be. This has resulted in a lot of devastation. I admit, mainly my fault. Those moments of silence when I know she's doing something she shouldn't, but the thought of pain shooting up my back as I go to see just make me enjoy those seconds of silence – even if it means a lot more pain later.

Here's just snapshot of some of the events of the past couple of days:

* A box of washing powder was tipped into the toilet.

* A box of breadcrumbs was poured all over the kitchen floor, Goose stripped off and rolled around in them naked. Odd, very odd. I normally never buy breadcrumbs, as they're so easy to make, but I couldn't face it the other day so perhaps this is my penance for buying a box of Krummies.

* She ''helped" a baby crawl by dragging her around the yard and then put a bucket on the baby's head.

* She pulled a photo frame off the wall and tore up the photo inside.

* She bolted out of the library, up a ramp and nearly onto the main road.

* She bolted out of a restaurant, up the street to perform a song on her 'stage'.

* She constantly drags a chair over to the kitchen sink so she can do the washing up.

* She rubbed half a tube of my hand cream all over her face.

* Drank soy sauce out of the bottle, out of the fridge.

* She drew with pink crayon all over the glass doors.

* She destroyed a Christmas display in a shop as I helped her sister try on shoes. All the while flashing her killer smile, fluttering her long lashes and the shop assistants cooing: "Isn't she just adorable!" 

These are just some of the highlights from the past day and a half. Then, of course, she'll throw her little arms around you and say: "I love you, Mummy. I like your pretty dress. You're garbage."

The funny thing is, she loves rules. She gets upset if other people break the rules, if things are out of place. She loves telling Lil-lil: "You can't do that", "Don't spill it" "Don't say that to Mummy", "Don't put that there". She's chaos and order rolled into one little curly-haired package. I truly think she'll make a fabulous dictator one day.