Back down

I've mentioned my dodgy back here before. The one that plays up and leaves me looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame and generally very cranky and unpleasant.

Last week it played up and started to get better. Then yesterday I heard a crack and then agonising pain. I woke up this morning and thought 'uh oh, that's not good.' Stabbing hot daggers of pain shooting up my spine and down my legs with each and every movement.

After hobbling around I decided I needed to go to the doctor. They squeezed me in and said: "You can not lift anything. At all." Riiiiiiiiight. I explained that I had two young children and was in the middle of packing away a lot of my home before it went on the market. To which she said: "You can not lift anything. At all. Oh and don't bend too much either."

Well, that's really not practical, is it? Goosey falls over and I'm supposed to nudge her with my foot and say: "Get up, honey, you'll be right!"?

I'm supposed to leave all this packing work to someone else? I don't think so. It just isn't going to happen.

One interesting thing has happened, I've realised how vulnerable you can feel while in pain. Getting out and about with the kids I feel nervous and panicky knowing that I can't chase them if they dart off. I'm just not quick to react if something happens.

As I hobbled to the doctor's office this morning I approached a large zebra crossing on a busy road. It looked a mile wide and I wondered: "How on earth am I going to get across there? Each step is searing pain, I'll keep traffic back for ages." As I crossed, the car waiting for me at the front kept revving his engine trying to hurry me. What an awful feeling. Exposed, vulnerable, fearful.

It gave me an insight to what it's like to live with chronic pain, to be elderly or disabled and have to face a busy, rushed world. As I walked down the footpath, people bumped into me as I couldn't move out of the way fast enough. Despite obviously being in pain and unable to move quickly, people were too busy to help, hold a door open or even take one step out of their way.

I'll tell you what, it's not a nice feeling. By the time I got to the doctor I was ready to collapse in tears from pain, stress and exhaustion. It's so easy to take being well and feeling fit for granted.