Pregnancy and stranger danger

Being pregnant is weird. Besides the fact that it feels like you have an alien inside you, ready to burst out any minute, the whole experience is just plain weird.

I'd forgotten how much you become public property when you're pregnant. Not the touching the belly thing, as that's rarely happened to me, but the way that people think they can suddenly talk about you in ways that aren't normally appropriate. I'm not talking about close friends and family, but strangers who don't even know your name. You have the most unimaginable conversations with people who previously would just walk by with a nod or a smile.

Things that are normally not discussed suddenly become general banter or chit chat. I remember being about to pop with Lil-lil when a stranger came up to Skip and I at funeral and started talking about his wife's labour and her cervix dilating. I remember thinking: "Is his wife OK with him talking about her cervix with strangers? Do I even want to hear this?"

At the same funeral people (again, strangers) came up and mentioned how they'd noticed my swollen ankles from the back of the chapel. Ace, thanks for telling me, I noticed your swollen head from the front.

There's also the fact that people feel they can say things like: "Oh my god! You're huge!" or "Look how enormous you are!" Believe me, there is never a time that either of these sentences are appropriate when you're talking to woman. Yes, it's true she may be the size of a house but she doesn't need you to tell her, especially with the added emphasis of the blasphemy. Seriously, not needed.

When I was pregnant with Lil-lil, I was introduced to a woman who told me her name and then went straight on to ask me what I was rubbing on my belly to prevent stretch marks. No, 'How are you?' or even 'When are you due?', just straight into the stretch marks. We didn't become lifelong friends.

When I was pregnant with Goosey, I was at a wedding when a well-known Twitterer (who I'd never met before) came up to me and said: "Every man here thinks you're the sexiest. Men just love pregnant women, they just can't help it." Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay, thanks. Bring on the awkward pause before I wandered off looking for a sane person.

With my first pregnancy, I never managed to stop being astounded by the number of people who would tell me how hard having a baby was. How I could never imagine how consuming having a newborn was and how my life was going to change forever. This happened while waiting for a takeaway coffee or in a lift. Thanks for the tips.

What was the most outrageous thing someone said to you when pregnant?