I'm lucky to have a couple of close friends who are mums and who are honest. When they've had to watch hours of Dora just to get through the day, they admit it. When they've fed their kids plain pasta for a week straight cause that's all they'd eat, they don't pretend they've been whipping up organic gourmet meals. When they've been hit by the motherhood crazies, they don't pretend they're perfect and loving every minute of their life.
From my experience and those of my friends, there's a time (of at least a few months) in the first year of their child's life when we go a little loco. Whether it's the sleep deprivation, the loss of independence, being completely 'touched out', or it's the hours of feeding or crying or settling or a combination of all of that. Maybe it's just forgetting who you are or missing the life you used to have. It doesn't mean they're not coping or don't love their kid, it's just, well, it can all be a little much and you lose your mind for a while.
It happened with my (and their) first and second babies. I fully expect it to happen with the third, I just hope it doesn't last as long and that I deal with it better. It helps that I have friends around who understand the crazies period and know I'll come out the other end.
One of my friends said to me once: "Someone told me I was really crazy there for a while, they've now got their second baby and acting a little crazed themselves. We all go through it."
Another when I enquired how she was doing said: "I'm good now, I think I'm over that crazy time."
Motherhood can be hard at any time (or all the time). There are times when we struggle. When we're not the best we can be. When we wish we could run away or when we do run away mentally. There's no shame in admitting it or turning to someone and saying: "Wow, I'm not doing this very well at the moment." Most importantly, listen to someone when they're going through their moment and share a moment of their own.
Those moments pass. Hell, I've gone back a third time. Those friends I mention are going back a third time too. Maybe because we could share and deal with crazies together.
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Yes am loco for 8 months and counting. Though probably less crazy than the newborn days (I think?). Hoping your crazy times are brief!
ReplyDeleteWe definitely all go loco at the newborn stage and I firmly believe that we continue to go loco from time to time as they grow. I'm in a totally crazy, out-of-touch-with-reality stage right now. I kinda like it, TBH, but it makes it very hard to hold down my job!! I will come good soon. I have found that the 'crazies' (as my husbie calls it too!) come about 3 times a year and it's when work is busybusy and something is more complicated at home. It all feels too hard so I kinda stop trying for a while.
ReplyDeleteI'm on the 'return' right now. I'll be back to 'normal' soon. My new normal. My mothering normal.
x
We definitely all go loco at the newborn stage and I firmly believe that we continue to go loco from time to time as they grow. I'm in a totally crazy, out-of-touch-with-reality stage right now. I kinda like it, TBH, but it makes it very hard to hold down my job!! I will come good soon. I have found that the 'crazies' (as my husbie calls it too!) come about 3 times a year and it's when work is busybusy and something is more complicated at home. It all feels too hard so I kinda stop trying for a while.
ReplyDeleteI'm on the 'return' right now. I'll be back to 'normal' soon. My new normal. My mothering normal.
x
I just love your work Corinne. You're one of those bloggers that just does it for me. You definitely have a knack for engaging me with everything you write. THANK YOU SO MUCH for the plain pasta reference, hehe, I actually feel like a bad Mama for dishing up spag bol so often. But what can you do!? Rather they eat that than nothing. I can relate to this 'crazy' time too... but I think it keeps coming back at different times for me. I'd say I'm more prone to it in the first 12 months after a babe, but definitely not immune to the crazies, even now! Like yourself, I don't know what I would do without honest, down to earth friends, who are happy to let it all hang out with me, so important to have that stability of having other crazies in your life ;o) xo
ReplyDeleteAs much as I love breastfeeding, none of my kids ever did take a bottle of anything, so that stuck-to-a-baby-24-7 thing made me bonkers, seriously bonkers.
ReplyDeleteI remember it vividly. Being greatful when I could duck off to the shops solo on the weekend for an hour. Oh man. It's what stops me going back a third time, I think.
I love my mum friends who are honest and don't mind telling it how it is too. We are all trying our best. I remember when my son would ONLY eat weetbix for months. I never told anyone, I felt like all my mothers group friends toddlers were eating perfect organic gourmet meals every night. So silly putting such pressure on ourselves! Love your blog x
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I actually feel as if I was better when my babes were small. My nurturing side takes control and I tirelessly cuddled, soothed and cared for those helpless little selves.
ReplyDeleteNow that they are bigger they make me crazy!
They're loud, they argue with me, they bicker with each other, they can go on and on and on about video games or some toy and all the while I nod my head up and down as if I was taking it all in.
I have felt more tired being home with them this week than I was juggling my full time job and motherhood!
This SAHM crap is hard! ;)
What would we do without those honest, real friendships where we can bare all without consequence?
ReplyDeleteI'll never forget being saved by a girlfriend in a very crazy hour. She rang. I picked up. She couldn't decipher my sobbing crazy rambling. She dropped the phone and came round with her own kids in tow. I handed tiny Magoo over. I howled for an hour on my bed and then came good. Her daughters wondered what the hell happened to Aunty Shar? And life went on!!
Your friends sound like good eggs.
You are a good egg.
Happy craziness to you!
:-)
This is exactly why I can't get enough of your blog. That's just the truth.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had more honest friends. My 2 best friends are so incredibly honest, but they're childless, so as much as they try to relate, they often don't. Not at all their fault, I never got it, until I got it. Y'know?
The friends with babies are all self-confessed AMAZING Mum's, & of this group, I'm the only who failed at breastfeeding (& it makes me feel ... a little crazy)
And they prepare a constant stream of all organic baby foods, & hell, they can even do backflips whilst feeding their babies. And juggle 3 balls. And pull rabbits out of hats.
That's how amazing they really are :)
So I am grateful for my MIL. Who tells it how it is. Tells me I'm amazing, & doing a wonderful job. And she tells me this regularly :)
I don't know what I would do without her :)
She's the only (real & honest) Mum I know :)
Apart from the blogging community, of course xx