I said on Friday that I wasn't going to write about unsettled babies, truth is if I don't then I won't have anything to write about.
My easygoing baby has vanished. The baby who happily self-settled, the baby who was content has been replaced with a squirmy, squally, unhappy bubba.
I can't tell you how much the distresses me. I've been here before. Loooooong days of crying. Looong days of rocking, patting. Looooong days of thinking; "what the hell have I done?"
I was hoping I may have dodged a bullet this time. I thought perhaps I'd gotten a settled, easy baby. I deserved one after all. All babies have their moments, I know, but this moment has lasted 10 days and is fast becoming more than 'a moment'.
You know I even felt a little guilty that I had such an easy baby for the first 8 or so weeks. Ridiculous.
Last night as he screamed and screamed and screamed, I thought: "What is it I do to my babies to make them like this?"
I know he has reflux. I've heard the gulping, spluttering, the rattly breathing and then the high pitched scream that follows. Being premmie and having a family history, he didn't stand a chance, poor mite.
It's stressful, exhausting and plain horrible. I did months of it with my firstborn.
I know it will get better, it's just surviving at the moment, getting past this time. It feels like an eternity when you're in the middle of it, but it will pass. I hate that, yet again, I don't get to enjoy this. It's a shame there are so many nice things going on at the moment that are being dampened by the crying.
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The HORROR! I know that sinking feeling so well, Corinne. Ah, love, all I can say is buckle in... x
ReplyDeleteThis morning I let Max 'cry it out' for the first time in my life because I just ... ran out of ideas.
ReplyDeleteHe cried till it sounded like he couldn't breathe, & the back of his hair was a sweaty, matted mess.
My pulse was racing, as was his.
So reading this could not be more perfectly timed, I too often wonder what the hell I do wrong to make him cry every damn day.
And I feel so envious of other babies who don't seem to enjoy crying like Max does, & I KNOW you shouldn't compare, I just do.
Hang in there, your ride will get smoother, & you have two beautiful little helpers who occassionally like to decorate linen ;)
Oh.
ReplyDeleteCrap.
Whhyyyyy do they do this??
I 'broke' my baby too.
Accidentally switched the 'scream' switch to continuous play.
Reflux is the enemy.
Your poor little man.
But he won't remember.
Unfortunately, you will.
I pray it turns around and the 'moment' ends very soon.
x
Poor you and poor baby.
ReplyDeleteI totally get it as my last 2 babies have been horrible screamers & non sleepers. Baby D almost drove me to a breakdown this time last week. He sadly doesn't even have the excuse of reflux.
I hope things settle down for you soon & you get a break. x
Oh SHIT. Actually, I really wanted to say Mother Fucker. I feel it lady. I just want to wrap you up, give you a big G & T and say it's going to be OK. It will be. You CAN do this. Try not to get too ahead of yourself. Lots of love to you x
ReplyDeleteCorinne, Rocco broke me. I can't really write about it or say it much because ... I feel so bad. But his crying? He cried the whole house down. And Dave was SO sick and I went SO nuts.
ReplyDeleteI used to put my iPod in while I chopped the veggies for dinner, to drown out the screaming. Poor six-year old Max once piped up ... "Mum, are you just going to let him cry forever?"
He has stopped crying, now. Took a while. I love him. Life is sometimes so hard it's unbearable ... then, we get a reprieve again. Catch our breath before the next thing happens.
Love and kindness and care, to yourself. I hope Skip lets you have a bit of time just for you, at least once a week.
Hi-fivin' you from the mountain.
XXOXOXOX
Thinking of you Rin. Reading this made me cry for you, for me, for all those parent out there that have had babies who cry a lot. As you know...I had screamers too. You are right though...it will soon be a distant memory. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through this again, you absolutely deserved an easy baby this time. But if anyone knows how to come out the other end of dealing with an unsettled baby & still tell the tale, it is you. Sending you love & strength & lots of virtual hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh poor darling Corinne. I feel for you SO MUCH. Felix was like this for the first 10 weeks! I felt desperate, angry, tired, guilty. It is just awful to have all those emotions spinning around inside of you at once. I think a crying baby is the only time in life that there CAN be that many emotions inside of you.
ReplyDeleteI think you're mighty inspirational for even looking at the bright side at this point, but it's such a rational thing to do. All I can hope is that your sweet boy moves beyond this phase real soon. Take care hun xo
Oh Corinne, how awful! Sorry I am only just catching up now on your blog, sounds like bubba is giving you a rough time. My sis had two reflux babies and I feared they'd break her. Got to be the worst thing in the world. Her boys eventually settled but she saif it may have only been months but felt like an eternity. Just do what you have to in order to stay sane - hand them over to you husband for an afternoon and get some rest. And dont ever think its you who's done something, damn Mother Nature thinks she is so funny sometimes...
ReplyDeleteI know what you are going through. I just went through this with Savannah- my second one as well that's a horrible sleeper.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a horrible time.
My little girl has turned the corner this week and is now putting herself to sleep calmly. It just happened.
There is light there. I hope he settles for you soon and I'm sure he will.