A party plus 8000 emotions

We had our farewell party on Saturday and while it was fun, I have to say it was a bit of a blur. It's hard when there are so many people you want to chat to and it all goes by so fast and you're trying to keep an eye on three kids.

I stupidly didn't eat and was running on nerves and adrenalin and a couple of glasses of bubbly (and a few ciggies, because it was a party after all).

By the time the big kids were quiet and the baby was in bed and I could finally relax a little, most people had left. I was left worrying about who I didn't get to speak to much and did everyone get enough to eat or drink and all those other worries you have as a party host. But I did have fun, it just makes it all feel real now.

The dates for our departure have been pushed back and pulled forward again. It's unsettling. We still don't know when we're leaving.

It's hard saying goodbye. It's hard saying goodbye to one good friend, it's heart-bursting saying goodbye to ALL your friends and family. The closer we are to leaving, the more real it becomes and there's that little voice saying "Do you really want to do this?"

Whenever there is big change in my life I worry about it, I mourn the life I'm changing. I send myself crazy asking myself why I'm changing a perfectly good life. Today I experienced about 8000 emotions in a few short hours, it's all a bit overwhelming. I think I'm going to have a lump in my throat for the next few weeks.