For the past week, each weekday when the girls go off to school and Skip goes off to work I find this lump in my throat. It hasn't been there on the weekends, just when Darbs and I are alone in this place.
We've found somewhere to live and it's been a rush of finding and buying furniture. We came with just a suitcase, so there is a whole home for a family of five to set up.
It's a lovely place and I know that we're going to have a lot of fun and make a whole heap of great memories there.
But still that lump remains...
That lump is anxiety and nervousness.
It's worrying about the girls at school, hoping that they're settling in and don't have lumps in their own throats. It's remembering their little fingers digging into my leg as I pried myself away at their classroom door this morning.
It's the extra energy it takes when you're in a foreign place just to get in the car and find a supermarket. Or find a bed shop. Or find anything. It's making sure you don't turn the car into oncoming traffic or take a wrong turn and end up in another Emirate.
It's worrying that I'm dressed appropriately.
It's trying to find something for dinner in a supermarket that's different. Do I really want to buy that odd looking meat from Kenya?
It's worrying that Skip is finding his feet at work and enjoying it.
It's not having someone, anyone, to call and say let's catch up for a play and a coffee and a laugh.
It's looking at the mums at school drop-off in stilettos and full make up and wondering how or if I'll ever break into that circle.
It's all the things that you take for granted at home, that is second nature, that you don't even think about that suddenly need your energy.
I know that in time, soon enough, that the lump will get smaller and disappear. As the kids make friends, as I make friends, as I find my way around. I know that it's not a bad thing. I know that I'm learning and growing. I know that it will all be worth it. I know that I'll be glad that I've pushed myself. It's like the first of school or the first day of anything, the fear and the nervousness can be all-consuming but before long you can't even remember feeling that way.
But right now, right this minute, all I can feel is that lump.
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Hi, we came to Dubai with just a suitcase as well almost six years ago in 2007 so I totally know about that lump in throat feeling. It will get better though and like most expats who came here, you will almost never want to leave! (at least in our case)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Grace! I know it will get better. It's just the newness of it all! x
DeleteHi Corinne.. You really should check out the international women's club. They usually have a monday morning coffee or a monthly coffee that is just drop in and a chance to meet people who you share interests with and go from there. i hope you feel better soon… Luckil for me Dili is totally relaxed and it's all almost-hippies at school drop off here! So with my dirty shorts and stretched t-shirts I fit right in ;) xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping the lump gets smaller for you soon :-(
ReplyDeleteOh Corinne, you are so brave, I know I seem to say that a lot lately, but I really mean it. I can understand how every one of those things make you feel anxious & uneasy. We really do take the comfort zone for granted...and it's only when we find ourselves out of it, that we realise how tough things can be. Hope at least a few of those hurdles become easier to jump, very soon. Hugs xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh I had a lump in my throat reading this for you! Moving so far out of your comfort zone is never easy, and it will no doubt take time to assimilate. Just think of this huge adventure you are on and remind yourself you deserve some time out to take care of yourself too x
ReplyDeleteI have a lump in my throat FOR you!
ReplyDeleteI honestly can't even imagine. I don't like change, & I can imagine you are experiencing some epic culture shock right about now.
I would love for you to find some expats over there, because ... I don't know you super well, but I just can't see you in the stiletto brigade at school drop off. That just sounds hideous.
I don't do school runs yet, & have a few years before I have to, but if it's morning, who on EARTH would have time to put makeup on?!
We're rooting for you Corinne, & if you ever feel lonely, I do hope these little e-mails that hit your inbox via our comments perk you up just enough to search for the happy in your brand new country.
And if that doesn't work, how can we organise Emirates to sponsor a bloggy brigade to come & visit you?
All the love my friend!
So much of it,
x
Kisses, hugs, and lots of love xx
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